Angels Are Among Us Every Day

I wrote this song Christmas Eve. It has yet to be performed. I was remembering some life experiences that only 'angels' helped me out of. You never know who might be an angel in your life. Mine have always been 'unlikely' angels, but angels they were.

Angels Are Among Us Every Day

When you've lost your way
You're scared and you're alone
In troubled times
At the dark end of the road
Someone comes along
Could be a stranger or a friend
To light your way with hope
And all the broken pieces mend

Have you met your angel today
To help and guide you on your way?
Angels are among us every day

To move the earth and sea
And calm the rising storm
In cold and fear
Arms to keep you safe and warm
Someone comes along
Could be a stranger or a friend
To light your way with hope
And all the broken pieces mend

Have you met your angel today
To help and guide you on your way?
Angels are among us every day

Give protection
Love and affection
Life can't break me
Love won't forsake me

In the most unlikely places
They're always waiting for us

Angels are among us every day

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Peace on Earth

The following are the words to one of the songs in my Christmas Cantata, Hope for Peace.  This one is called Peace on Earth.

Peace on earth, when will there be peace on earth?
When we lay down our hate, when we lay down our pain
Join our hands and pray
When the light of the truth shines in everyone's hearts and love is the rule
There will be peace on earth

Peace on earth, the angels sang peace on earth
Good will to everyone, this night a Saviour comes
Bringing peace to all
When the light of the truth shines in everyone's hearts and love is the rule
There will be peace on earth

Unto us a child is born
Glad tidings of great joy are heard
Now we can all live in love
When the light of the truth shines in everyone's hearts and love is the rule
There will be peace on earth

Within each heart a candle glows
Within each voice a whisper grows
Hoping someday all will know
When the light of the truth shines in everyone's hearts and love is the rule
There will be peace on earth

I've been going through a lot of old bits and pieces and found this. I can even remember where I was when I wrote this. Sometimes, I wish I could forget a few things, but I know I never will.

Limitations

Sometimes I just can’t get it out

And there it lies

Unsaid words with

Unmeant meanings

The unvoiced voices

In simple silence

Speaking still

The unspent coin gathers dust

Leaping limbs to crashing boughs

Fingers fumble

Tying knots

The package

Wrapped in paper

Brown and plain

The unthought thoughts

Of yesterday

The forgotten memory flashes forth like

Dazzling diamonds

Shining hard

But only snow

That melts with

Warmth and tender touch

To fall forgotten

The season turns and lives again

Christmas Light

After a rather bleak fall, due to a situation that arose at work, I am off on leave for at least a month.  My self esteem took a bit of a kicking, but I found out that I was not the only worker targetted.  That doesn't make what happened any easier, but it helps in the healing process.

We are now entering the Yuletide season, and I am feeling the hope, peace, love, and joy of this magical time of year.  My choir will be performing my original cantata, Hope for Peace, with guest soloists and there will be Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning services.  I wrote this song last year for Christmas Eve.

Christmas Light

                                           A winter's night in deep December

                                           We call it Christmas Eve

                                           A night we've chosen to remember

                                           Fulfilling of prophecy

                                           They said a Saviour would be born

                                           And now we call it Christmas Morn

                                                          Choosing the darkness of the winter

                                                          To celebrate new life

                                                          Chasing the shadows of December

                                                          To bring us Christmas light

                                            See how the stars are twinkling in

                                            The clear and cloudless sky

                                            Shine on our earthly journeys to

                                            Keep the light of hope alive

                                            And as our hearts are warmed this night

                                            We hold the key to love most bright

 

                                                          Choosing the darkness of the winter

                                                          To celebrate new life

                                                          Chasing the shadows of December

                                                          To bring us Christmas light

                                            The snow is falling softly over

                                            The dark and barren earth

                                            The shadows of a bleak midwinter

                                            Turn into hope of new birth

                                            And as we join our hearts in faith

                                            There will be hope on Christmas Day

                                                          Choosing the darkness of the winter

                                                          To celebrate new life

                                                          Chasing the shadows of December

                                                          To bring us Christmas light



Sisters

I wrote this last night for my oldest daughter to read at her half sister's wedding.  She didn't want to give a speech, and, might not even read the poem, just have it on display with the engagement pictures.  I hope she reads it, though.  Someone I thought knew me very well was surprised that I write poetry as well as music.  It's really not such a leap from one to the other.  The 4 sisters - my two daughters, and her dad's two daughters are very good friends.  My youngest is not a blood relation, but they treat her as a sister.  It's nice to see.

Sisters

As a river winds and bends and changes

And yet is always flowing

So the love between sisters weaves throughout our lives

Threads of memories are intertwined with

Trust and hope

Laughter and tears

Good times and bad times

We are different, yet alike

Close friends and kindred spirits

Relying on each other’s strengths

Building on each other’s weaknesses

We are sisters

True friends

We listen with our hearts

We love with our souls

The rivers will always flow to the sea

And we are friends and sisters for eternity

Love

Sometimes I am not sure I can ever really love freely and purely, without jealousy, although I do aspire to that.  I know I did once, but, so many things happen in a lifetime.  I think I got a little lost.  I find myself here and there, on my journey, but sometimes I still fall into negativity, even though I hate it. 

I dream of one great love, yet wonder if that love has already come and gone.  Or, maybe, I will get a second chance at love.  I know I am deeply in love with someone in the present, but I let my fears sometimes take over.  I say with Yevtushenko, "I am conscious that these minutes are short and that the colours in my eyes will vanish when your face sets." 

The only thing I know for sure is that I just have to keep on loving, no matter what.  As long as I love, I will sing and live.

September Already

It's hard to believe that it is already September and I will be starting a new job at a new (to me) school in 2 days.  We always say that summer is too short, but really, it's still the same number of days and hours - just our perspective changes.  I will be doing the same program in my new school as I did before, but with younger students. I'm glad I saved all my decorations from last year to use in my room. 

Now that it's autumn, music students will be coming back for lessons and my church choir will start practising.  I already have ideas for songs for them, but just need to get them organized.  Today I am singing a solo, Celtic Alleluia.  I think I love singing the best of all - more than playing an instrument - it's like singing is in my soul. 

I'm looking forward to the next year (thinking in school terms) and what amazing things are going to happen in my life.  It's a good feeling.

In honour of a very special friend who passed away June 22, 2011

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

(from the Ode, INTIMITATIONS OF IMMORTALITY FROM RECOLLECTIONS OF EARLY CHILDHOOD, by William Wordsworth)

Thinking in the Present

An e-mail message I received this week reminded me that we really only have now, to give, to live, to love.  The past is over, but how we regard it affects our present.  I am learning to stop thinking of my past in a negative way, such as saying it was difficult or hard or painful.  I did more than survive illness and abuse - I grew into who and what I am right now because of those experiences in my life. 

When I did the Domestic Violence Symposium (WAIT), I realized that everything happens for a reason.  My experiences, how I chose to present my story, and the song I wrote for the symposium were all based in empowerment, not negativity.  A very special friend helped me to see that I must present everything so as to leave my audience with a sense of positivity.  I now am thankful for those experiences.  I am  thankful for everything in my life.  What am I thinking?  I'm thinking I love me.  I love my life.  I am grateful for everything I have. 

The Quakers speak of taking time every morning to "centre down".  To me, this is like spending time in gratitude for everything I have and for the day to come.  I have begun to spend 15 minutes every morning in thsi way - listening in the silence and being thankful.  Life is good.  Life is magical.  Love is the key to every good thing.

New Part Time Job

I had to make a difficult decision in the past few weeks.  I finally decided to apply, at the last minute, for a job at different church as musical director.  I applied almost too late, got an interviiew/audition, and got the job.  It will be so hard leaving the wonderful people I have worked with for the past 6 years, but it is time to move on.  I am hoping to start a youth glee club and also to do some theatre stuff in this new position.  I am believing for the best. 

What Am I Thinking?

I wrote this song for a Domestic Abuse Symposium at our local high school,called W.A.I.T (What Am I Thinking?).  I was one of the presenters as a survivor of domestic abuse, and used the song in my presentation.  As well, I sang it over the PA to the whole school at the end of the symposium as the closing. Not only does it show some of the pain, but also inpsires victims to become empowered.

What Am I Thinking

When you tell me what to do and how to act

And I accept

What am I thinking?

When you tell me I am worthless and no good

And I accept

What am I thinking?

When you tell me I am stupid and so wrong

And I accept

What am I thinking?

When I make excuses for the way you treat me

When I cover up the pain and agony

What am I thinking?

When you promise me that you will change your ways

And I don’t leave

What am I thinking?

When I’m so afraid that others will blame me

And I don’t leave

What am I thinking?

When I think that no one else could ever care

And I don’t leave

What am I thinking?

When I think that I can’t make it on my own

When I worry what you’ll do if I should go

What am I thinking?

And suddenly I realize the choice is really mine

In my darkest hour I know that I can find

The strength to take the first step in taking back my life

And I will learn to fly like eagles to the utmost heights

If you ask me now

What am I thinking? 

I am choosing to be happy

I am choosing to be free

I am choosing to be the person I was meant to be

What am I thinking?  I’m thinking I love me.

When I think that I’m the one who made you mad

And I’m afraid

What am I thinking?

When I think your passion gives you an excuse

And I’m afraid

What am I thinking?

When I think your chains will never let me go

And I’m afraid

What am I thinking?

When I know that it’s not right to be so shamed

When I just can’t find the way to break the chain

What am I thinking?

And suddenly I realize the choice is really mine

In my darkest hour I know that I can find

The strength to take the first step in taking back my life

And I will learn to fly like eagles to the utmost heights

If you ask me now

What am I thinking? 

I am choosing to be happy

I am choosing to be free

I am choosing to be the person I was meant to be

What am I thinking?  I’m thinking I love me.

Mothers' Day, 2011

I ended up spending the afternoon of Mothers' Day cooking - two cakes,  curried orzo with apple and onions, grilled veggie kebabs and portabella mushrooms on the barbecue. My two daughters and I had dinner with my 94 year old mother, plus my brother and one girl's partner.  But, best of all was the gift of a picture of the three of us (my daughters and I) from this past St. Patrick's Day and these words in a card:

"I want you to know
       just how much I appreciate
the loving way you raised me
You often had to be
       both mom and dad,
   and that couldn't have been easy.
Many times your own dreams
       had to be put on hold
   so that mine could be nurtured.
But you always made sure
       I felt accepted, secure, and loved,
And whatever else you accomplished,
       you may be sure of this
   you raised a grateful daughter
       who'll always love you.

At the Close of the Day

He is your son, he is your brother,
He is your friend, and now you wonder,
Did you ever really know him?
Did you ever understand him?
And how can you watch him being treated this way?
How much do you love him at the close of the day?

You gave him life in Bethlehem,
You watched him grow into a man,
When he spoke in the temple you were proud,
Now the tide has turned; they've brought him down.
Did you think it would come to this
Did you honestly think it would come to this?

He told you peace would come from love,
The perfect world your're dreaming of,
When he touched your hands your heart was glad,
Now the tide has turned to fulfill the plan.
Did you think it would come to this?
Did you honestly think it would come to this?

You followed him from town to town,
You vowed you'd never let him down,
When the crowds were cheering you were there,
But the tide has turned and now you're scared.
Did you think it would come to this?
Did you honestly think it would come to this?

He walks up that hill alone
Knowing just how it must be done,
He takes your shame, the gift he gives,
His blood was shed so you can live.
Did you think it would come to this?
Did you honestly think it would come to this?

He is your son, he is your brother,
He is your friend, and now you wonder,
Did you ever really know him?
Did you ever understand him?
And how can you watch him being treated this way?
How much do you love him at the close of the day?

Good Friday

Good Friday, good vibrations.  You wouldn't think those would go together, but they do.  The Good Friday Service at Albury Church was amazing.  All of the readings, prayers, and songs fit perfectly.  One of the women in my choir, Julie, wrote a very poignant song, In the Dark.  We also did a reggae version of When I Survey the Wondrous Cross, At the Close of the Day, which I wrote for the choir last year, and ended with my solo version of the powerful and moving Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.  I'm sure there was not a more moving service anywhere in the world today.  Sometimes you just really do get the "magic".

A lot of things are opening up for me these days, and that, too, is amazing.  I have two harp gigs in May, I'm the pianist in the Little Shop of Horrors pit band at the high school where I work, and I am doing a symposium on domestic violence called WAIT (What Am I Thinking).  Plus, May brings Mothers' Day and the birthdays of my two lovely daughters.  I am going to put the words to At the Close of the Day in another post.  I'm also working on a song to include in my presentation at WAIT. 

I love being busy doing the things I love.  I think much of it is coming about because I have learned to be grateful for everything, and to love life, and be positive always.  Sometimes it's rough, but, you have to believe, believe, believe.  It's a Christmas song that Josh Groban does, but the words are true for every day:

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
you have an inner beuaty
If you just believe

Doin' the Rave, at least trying to

Since my oldest daughter started learning about the RAVE diet and healing cancer from the inside out, I've been becoming even more thoughtful about my food choices.  I have gone from pesscetarian(not sure of the spelling) , to vegetarian, back to pesscetarian, back to vegetarian, and now vegan.  I recently ordered some Dr.Cow cheeses, which are made with nuts, but they were disappointing.  They just tasted like fermented nuts.  So, I'm stopping thinking about animal product substitutes and just going with the vegan thing.  There are so many flavours in the plant food diet, who needs substitutes? 

My eye, with whatever it is that has caused the blurriness, is improving every day.  Today was an especially good day.  I go back for a checkup on May 9 to see if the procedure is going to be necessary.  I am counting on diet and belief (aka The Secret and The Power) to heal. In reality, my body will heal itself, given a healthy diet and belief.  I've seen it happen personally throughout my life, so am still believing. 

Life is truly amazing, if you start each day with gratitude for what you have.  I have so much - two lovely grown-up daughters, the ability to sing and play music, good friends, family that loves me, and one very special person who loves me and believes in me.  Everything else is icing on the cake.

When you have a busy weekend, and then it looks as thought maybe your next month will be really busy, everyone says, how will you manage it?  I have a lot of musical commitments right now, but, it's great being busy doing what you love the most.  If I could just do the music and theatre stuff, I'd be one very happy person, but I still have the "other" job. 

When I was saying to a friend that, knowing the "other" job is only 30 hours a week of my time, makes it easy not to get caught up in the politics or whether it's good or bad, she responded with this thought: "Think of all the good you do there, and how you help kids so much".  I hadn't thought of it that way, but she is right.  So, even the "other" job is something I can do and am good at. 

Life is so good and so rich in so many ways.  Someone once asked me, if I could choose any time in my life I would want to go back to, or any age I wanted to back to, what would it be?  I answered, I like right now, this minute.  It may look to some as though I don't have a lot of things, but I have this day, this minute, and I choose to be happy and grateful for that.  What lies around the bend will be new and exciting.  What is in the past is in the past, and I have grown and learned from all of it.  No regrets. 

Live for today.  Yesterday is gone.  Tomorrow will take care of itself.

The Road Not Taken

This has always been a favourite poem of mine, and today, on my 59th birthday, I am re-reading it.  Life is good; life is beautiful.  Your choices, not your chances, determine your destiny.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Another Amazing Day

After a week of a comedy of errors, I finally found out that I don't need to see the cornea specialist until the first of next month, and, if my eye has continued to improve by then, no procedure will be necessary.  I've been using diet and supplements plus the drops and medication the doctor prescribed, but most of all just believing.  I know everything will be all right. 

I am waking up every day thankful that life is good.  It makes a huge difference.  Things are going well - my eye is not only getting better, but I am able to help a very special friend keep his business going.  Pit Band rehearsals for Little Shop of Horrors are going really well.  It's a high school production, and it's the first time I have been involved with the high school shows.  I've worked there for several years, but, until this year, no one asked for my help. 

Did I mention that life is good?  Oh, it really is.  You just have to see it that way, no matter what.  Wake up every morning and give thanks.  Give thanks when you lay down to sleep at night. 

"Walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God in everyone." (a Quaker philosophy...I love it)

An Amazing Day

I just added two of my songs to my website.  It's always hard to choose which ones that someone might like or be inspired by.  There are so many good songs in the world, and who am I to add to them, but, when you are inspired, you just can't not create. 
Someone I care for very much also inspired me today -  an amazing friend, well, more than a friend, even though he is physically far away.  He holds my heart.
I am reading The Power.  I read The Secret a couple of years ago, but so many people told me it was a bunch of lies that I almost believed them. Yet, something has brought me back to this whole new, but really old, philosophy.  I have to believe.
A quote from The Power that really spoke to me this week is:  "Life isn't happening to you; life is responding to you.  Life is your call!"  More and more, I know that is true.
My wish for everyone is that they will discover this power and heal their lives.  It's really very simple, maybe too simple.  All I know is that it works.  I'm already seeing it work in my own life.
So, as the minister of my church says at the close of every service, "Go in peace, go in faith, but most of all, go in love." 

Sing, Dance, Laugh

Miracles do happen.  They don't always happen instantaneously, but they happen.  I am grateful for today's miracle in my life.  I didn't have to have the diagnostic scrape on my right cornea because my eye has really improved, even from Friday's visit.  The doctor feels it will continue to heal itself gradually, as it has been for the past couple of months, just way slower than the doctors had hoped.

One thing having this problem has done is make me even more conscious of my diet and being positive, no matter what bumps are in the road.  It feels like a curtain has been lifted, and now I can see beyond it, physically and spiritually.  I am so very grateful for this life I have been given. 

I am reminded of the Quaker philosophy: "Walk cheerfully over this world, answering that of God in everyone."  Along some Quaker inspiration, I wrote this song a few years ago:

I WILL FOLLOW YOU

In the silence of the morning
I am listening to you
As the sun is slowly dawning
I am still and I am cool

Chorus: And I know that you will guide me
             You will show me what to do
             You will lead me
             And I will follow you

As the cares of life surround me
Sometimes pulling me apart
I can feel your arms around me
And your peace within my heart

Chorus: And I know that you will guide me
             You will show me what to do
             You will lead me
             And I will follow you

Bridge: I will follow you
            As you lead me through this life
            I will follow you
            In times of peace, in times of strife
            And as I walk in cheerfulness
            My soul is surely blessed
            You will lead me
            And I will follow you

In the stillness of the evening
When I feel your presence near
I am sure that way will open
I will never need to fear

Chorus: And I know that you will guide me
             You will show me what to do
             You will lead me
             And I will follow you

Tomorrow, I have to have a swab sample taken of the cornea in my right eye.  A blurriness began occurring before Christmas, and I thought maybe I just needed my lens prescription changed.  After two visits to the optometrist, with use of 2 kinds of eye drops in between, she sent me to an ophthamologist. After the first visit, he had me continue with one of the drops, then after the second visit, put me on antiviral medication.  Either the pills helped a little or it is just slowly clearning up on its own, but, there was some improvement, just not enough.  So, after 3 visits, he sent me to a cornea specialist.  I am not looking forward to having my eye swabbed at all, but, hopefully, this will get to the root of the problem. 

In the meantime, I am adjusting my diet as best I can with healthy eye foods, especially those containing lysine. I have been a vegetarian for many years, then added fish and seafood, so was pescatarian, and now have decided that vegan is the best way to go.  I am reading Healing Cancer from the Inside Out, right now, and am really into the RAVE diet.  Everything in this book just reinforces everything that I have believed for years.  It's hard to be different, and I've been ridiculed for my diet choices over the years, but I'm a lot healthier now than I ever was as a child eating the North American meat and potaotes diet.

I started my journey into healthy eating as a teenager.  I started reading the Mother Earth News, and found cookbooks on healthy foods.  All of the people who laughed at me and told me I was "going off the deep end" back then are now plagued with arthritis, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, kidney stones, gall bladder problems, etc.  I figure my little eye problem is nothing in comparison.  My allergies are under control, my foot problem (which for want of a better answer they diagnosed as Post Polio Syndrome) has fixed itself (I believe that was through nutrition) and I just feel good and am happy in general.  So, go ahead, and put down my healthy food choices, and we will see who comes out better in the long run.

"The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be something else." (e e cummings)

My youngest daughter has been going through some difficult changes in her life lately, and, this morning, I found a poem that she wrote when she was 8 years old. 

Over the sky I see rainbows
Over the sky I see clouds
Over the sky I see birds flying
To catch up with the clouds

When you look up
There's a whole new world
Oh, what a beautiful sight to see
Will I have to cross over the rainbow
To be what I want to be?

If I could fly like an eagle
I'd fly to the clouds that I see
Maybe I'd move in with angels
Singing heavenly music to me

When I look around
At this old world
I see things I never have seen
I don't have to cross over the rainbow
To have anything I dream