What Am I Thinking?

I wrote this song for a Domestic Abuse Symposium at our local high school,called W.A.I.T (What Am I Thinking?).  I was one of the presenters as a survivor of domestic abuse, and used the song in my presentation.  As well, I sang it over the PA to the whole school at the end of the symposium as the closing. Not only does it show some of the pain, but also inpsires victims to become empowered.

What Am I Thinking

When you tell me what to do and how to act

And I accept

What am I thinking?

When you tell me I am worthless and no good

And I accept

What am I thinking?

When you tell me I am stupid and so wrong

And I accept

What am I thinking?

When I make excuses for the way you treat me

When I cover up the pain and agony

What am I thinking?

When you promise me that you will change your ways

And I don’t leave

What am I thinking?

When I’m so afraid that others will blame me

And I don’t leave

What am I thinking?

When I think that no one else could ever care

And I don’t leave

What am I thinking?

When I think that I can’t make it on my own

When I worry what you’ll do if I should go

What am I thinking?

And suddenly I realize the choice is really mine

In my darkest hour I know that I can find

The strength to take the first step in taking back my life

And I will learn to fly like eagles to the utmost heights

If you ask me now

What am I thinking? 

I am choosing to be happy

I am choosing to be free

I am choosing to be the person I was meant to be

What am I thinking?  I’m thinking I love me.

When I think that I’m the one who made you mad

And I’m afraid

What am I thinking?

When I think your passion gives you an excuse

And I’m afraid

What am I thinking?

When I think your chains will never let me go

And I’m afraid

What am I thinking?

When I know that it’s not right to be so shamed

When I just can’t find the way to break the chain

What am I thinking?

And suddenly I realize the choice is really mine

In my darkest hour I know that I can find

The strength to take the first step in taking back my life

And I will learn to fly like eagles to the utmost heights

If you ask me now

What am I thinking? 

I am choosing to be happy

I am choosing to be free

I am choosing to be the person I was meant to be

What am I thinking?  I’m thinking I love me.